Coldplay, Etihad Stadium. 31st May 2023

So, why am I at a Coldplay gig? This isn’t usually my sort of thing. I’m not going to use my youngest as an excuse, that’d be low. He’s here with me though because his older sister has done a few stadium gigs and he wanted to go to one at the Etihad. This isn’t his first gig, I wouldn’t do that to him, but it’s the first time being in the Etihad when City haven’t been battering the opposition and lifting trophies. Plus we figured that Coldplay would put on a show. That’s what stadium gigs are for after all. Space for a crew to go nuts with rigging, lights, screens and other distractions. I’m sure Coldplay won’t read this or care either, but they are the definition of safe and boring aren’t they. Or have I got this all wrong, am I about to be blown away and convinced that the eye watering admission was worth it. For starters that stage set won’t have been cheap. It takes up half the pitch, with runways, hidden trap doors, satellite appendages. There’s circles and ball motifs everywhere and they miss a trick not rolling on stage in zorbing balls. Instead there’s a bizarre ET scored entrance, with cameras following them back stage and I’m half expecting a Spinal Tap parody. I immediately feel out of my depth offering any kind of balanced review as they start with ‘Higher Power’. I only know this song as it’s the first song off the latest album that I listened to this afternoon. It’s saccharine sweet and owes a debt to 80s synth pop. The later of which is fine, but I always struggle with the first bit. However it has to be said they go for it with the sort of energy out of the gate usually reserved for an encore. Glitter canons, inflatables and lights. So many lights. Including the ones we’ve all had strapped to our wrists like a bunch of offenders on remand. Chris Martin clearly lives for this. He’s beaming as he orchestrates a sold out crowd with ease during ‘Paradise’. Whatever he’s on, I want some. The sound it has to be said is big and bold too. We’re up in the third tier and sometimes the sound can get muddy up here, but the sound engineers are on point, it’s flawless. The whole operation is slick. The crew prepping different parts of the stage for the next song, leaf blowers clearing the runway of all that glitter and the video dept. throwing out the sort of live playbacks you’d expect from massive sports events. It’s very impressive. Although the fact I’m clocking this, maybe highlights that I found songs like ‘The Scientist’ a bit dull. I’m a cynical sod I know and although ‘Viva La Vida’ is another song that does little for me, I’ve got to admit it packs a punch live. With the crowd in full voice and the drummer belting the fuck out of a giant bell, it’s quite a spectacle. ‘Green Eyes’ which I’ve never heard before gets played for an audience member invited on stage to sit next to Chris as he tinkles the ivories. Normally this stuff would feel like a moment in a set, but it’s just another one here as it melts into ‘What’s Love Got to Do with it’ with Lauren from support band Chvrches coming on to duet. I must admit I quite like the guitar line on ‘In My Place’ (it gets annoyingly stuck in my head for the rest of the night) and although ‘Yellow’ conjures some bad memories and it’s a bit on the money as our wrists light up in said colour, both sound pretty decent. As we go on, I find myself relaxing a little, the arsehole dog walker that wound me up earlier is forgotten and I’m smiling, the boy is smiling and Chris Martin, well I don’t think he ever stops smiling. What is happening to me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not exactly converted, but it’s fun and it’s a lovely crowd. Even though the woman behind us keeps shouting “Has anyone got an iPhone charger?”. They do lose me a bit when a puppet starts duetting rather too earnestly with Martin and my youngest says “I think he fancies the muppet”. I think it’s another new one. It’s terrible and I’m not sure we’re supposed to be laughing. ‘People of the Pride’ follows and it’s a bit of a banger, with the sort of glam rock drums employed by Marilyn Manson. I bet you weren’t expecting that comparison were you! That’s where the similarity ends though I assure you. ‘Clocks’ that follows keeps the tempo up though, before Martin comes out with a full alien head mask on and delivers the next song with sign language, before indulging in something of an aerobic routine. It’s certainly one of the more unusual things I’ve seen at a gig. We’re into the newer stuff here and I’m a bit lost. ‘My Universe’ sounds like the sort of thing a wedding DJ would play and I’d desperately avoid getting dragged on the dance floor for. They close with a request for the phones to go away for ‘A Sky Full of Stars’ and go full beans on the glitter, lights and fireworks, before we’re eased back in to the encore with ‘Sparks’ from a satellite stage at the South Stand. It’s a slow lament and rather lovely in a largely hushed stadium. It’s followed by Martin and an acoustic belting out James’ ‘Sit Down’ with him encouraging the crowd to fill as he joins the band back on the main stage. Honestly it doesn’t work too well. This crowd want stuff like ‘Fix You’. It is built for venues like this with its slow anthemic build and again although I don’t really like the song, you’ve got to admit it’s got some power when listened to like this. They should be dialling higher and higher from here, but we’re nearly two hours in and instead they finish with the quite frankly shit ‘Biutyful’ with helium infused lyrics delivered by that puppet again. Bizarre. I had low expectations going in, but it’s far from my least favourite gig and not even the worst in the Etihad, that honour is still Bon Jovi’s. I know I’ve been pretty sniffy, but truthfully I rather enjoyed it. I won’t be listening to Coldplay on repeat, but it was a good set and delivered the spectacle and occasion that my youngest was after. They work hard and kick out a crowd pleasing set with a fantastic production, that’s apparently 100% sustainable. Generating power with kinetic floors and recycled materials. For that alone I applaud them.